


50 Flavors of Joja

by friedpickles



Category: 50 Shades of Grey - E. L. James, Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: BDSM, Depression, M/M, Parody, no crossover just parodying 50 Shades in Stardew Valley, sex but tasteful fadaway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 15:57:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19176583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friedpickles/pseuds/friedpickles
Summary: Shane is a depressed alcoholic who finds little meaning in life as he works his soul draining job at the local JojaMart. During a dark moment in his life he finds support from an unexpected place, his boss Morris. Upon getting closer to Morris, Shane discovers there is much more to him than being a Joja Manager including some rather "unusual interests."Will their relationship survive when a new farmer moves in that threatens the very foundation of Joja Corp?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [armintheyard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/armintheyard/gifts).



> AN: Happy Birthday Joey! You said I never would write this and guess what? I did it! I wrote this masterpiece for your pleasure all of last night because I am an absolute madman. As we started off as online friends it only feels right to give you the most internet kind of gift: a fanfic in your honor.

There is 50 flavors of Joja Cola, 30 of which Shane has tried during the four long years he has worked at JojaMart. Regular, diet, cherry, vanilla, coffee, energy, kombucha: he had drank them all and mixed them in his nightly concoctions. As for the other 20, they are one time releases or international flavors he will never get a chance to try. Not that it mattered much to him anyway.

_A plain will do just fine_ , Shane thought as he picked up the metal can of the Joja Cola and walked into the backroom. It was night so no one would notice if he slipped back for a moment. _Psttt_ the can popped as Shane opened it and quickly took a sip. Glancing both ways he then removed a flask from his pocket and pour some brown liquid into the can. He took another gulp with the now enhanced cola.

“Shouldn’t you be up front Shane?” spoke a commanding voice. Shane jolted and turned around to see Morris the JojaMart manager standing behind him with a deep set frown on his face.  


“I-um- sorry sir, I just didn’t want to drink this up front,” Shane stuttered.

“The store is closing in an hour Shane don’t you have work to do?” Morris asked.

“Yes sir! I will get right to it after I finish this,” Shane said as he drowned another gulp. 

“Is that...Shane are you drinking on the job?”

“No! Of course not, sir I will get right back to work, sorry for the trouble.”

Morris sighed, “Shane look I can’t help notice lately your performance has been lacking. You have been working here for four years but can barely keep track of the basic duties of the job. I hate to do this but consider this your final warning.”

Shane was left flabbergasted and wanted to object but no words came out of his mouth. Instead he hung his head in shame. Morris said something to him about closing up the management office and walked off. Shane drank the rest of his spiked drink and headed back to his register. A part of him felt he should cry but no tears would come. Not that it mattered if he could.

\-------------------

Stumbling out of the Stardrop Saloon Shane felt the earth twist and turn under him. _I am so useless I can’t even walk he thought as he began to keel over in the alleyway. I couldn’t make it through school, no friends, no romance, and I can’t even hold down a shitty minimum wage job. What’s the point of this? I should just end my useless life._

Negative thoughts ruminated in his mind as he attempted to stand. He started walking in the direction of what he thought was the cliffs but didn’t make it far as he collapsed in a few steps.

“I guess I’m stuck here, better call off work tomorrow. They aren’t going to need my useless self anyway.” Shane said slurring as he took out his phone. He hit the call button labeled “Boss” and it rang a few times and Shane was surprised when Morris actually answered.

“Hello? I hope you know you know how late it is Shane, this better be important.”

“Morris, I mean Mr.Morris sir I won’t be in tomorrow.”

“Shane are you sick? No...you’re drunk aren’t you?”

“Actually Sir I might not be in all week in fact, you might as well just fire me and hire someone else while your at it.”

Morris let out an exasperated groan, “Shane please just sleep this off ok? I will pretend this conversation never happened. Come to work tomorrow.”

“Dunno if I can sir, the alley is gonna be very cold tonight.”

“You’re in the alley? You’re in no state to be sleeping outside in this weather! Where are you? I am coming to pick you up.”

“No sir please! I will be fine really.”

“I am coming there Shane. You are next to the Saloon I presume?”

“Yes Moris’sir.”

“Alright I will see you soon.”

\-------------------

Slumped over Morris’s shoulder Shane took slow steps along the dirt path. It was cold but Shane felt a warmth from the place of contact between their bodies. There was no words exchanged but Shane couldn’t muster them even if he wanted. He continued being jerked forward being held upright by the muscular arms of Morris. 

They arrived at Marnie’s Ranch and Morris reached for the door only to find it locked. 

“Do you have a key?” Morris asked turning to face Shane.

“She locks up at 9” Shane slurred.

Morris knocked on the door with a few firm but strong taps. Every tap Shane couldn’t help but notice Morris’s muscles bulging under the loose fit suit he always wore. He had no idea Morris had such musculature before this day.

“Is Marnie not home?” Morris asked turning to Shane. 

“She might be at...Leweys” Shane said exhausted as he slumped against the wall of the house.

Morris shook his head, “this is no good, I’m going to have to take you to the Jojacave I suppose.”

Shane didn’t respond as he felt the world turn black and he began to sink to the ground.

“...Shane? Shane!”

\-------------------

Shane awoke to an artificial blue light glaring in his eyes and the sounds of grunting. He looked around the unfamiliar room and bed he was laying on in confusion. Upon twisting around he realized he couldn’t move easily as something was binding him down. His hands were twisted behind his back and he stared down only to realize realized his feet were also chained to the bed. Frantically he looked around the room for some explanation.

He stared at the source of light, _Joja Co_ was outlined with a neon light flickering in the corner. Next to the light was various Joja posters featuring “Exciting New Products”. His eyes continued to scan frantically, _Joja colas, Joja desk, Joja TV, Joja watch_. Then he finally managed to flip to his side to see what was binding his hands, _Joja brand fuzzy cuffs_.

Suddenly the grunting stopped, he hadn’t even realized it for a moment until the door to the room suddenly opened. Morris entered the room sweat pouring off his muscular shirtless chest. Across the muscles was a neon blue leather harness branded with the Joja label. Their eyes met for a moment and then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

“Sleeping on the job again Shane?” A familiar voice pounded in Shane’s head. 

“I’m still sleeping give me 5 more minutes Marnie,” Shane said batting at the person who disturbed him. 

“Shane I order you to wake up this instant.” Recognizing Morris’s voice Shane jolted up. 

“Thats more like it. Now I while I do appreciate your enthusiasm please next time you should sleep at home not in the store.” 

“I slept here?” Shane asked in confusion trying to think of the night before through fuzzy memories. 

“Well I assumed so, I found you here when I opened up the shop this morning.”

“That can’t be right. I remember drinking at the Saloon and then you tried to take me to Marnie’s then I woke up in a strange place. There was Joja memorabilia everywhere! And you were uh…” He turned flushed recalling the muscles under the tight harness. “And then next I seem to recall a sentient joja cola can whipping me telling me to work harder but that probably didn’t actually happen”

“Well that certainly is a strange dream but I don’t think I need to know all the nitty gritty details.”

“Er sorry sir you’re right. I will get to work,” Shane said rushing off to the front.

“Shane wait, your shirt is inside out.” Morris shouted before Shane could get far.

“Sorry sir will fix it right away sir,” Shane said rushing for the bathroom instead as Morris sighed and walked to his office.

Shane washed his face in the bathroom thinking about the strange dream. Was it really a dream? He pulled out his phone to check the logs. He had called Morris at 2am as he had remembered but why did Morris lie? He stared at his unshaven face in the mirror. Another person covering for his drunk ass he groaned in embarrassment. 

The rest must have been a dream or something.

\-------------------

Shane closed up the store for the evening and locked the front door. Morris turned around to face him.

“Shane it’s really none of my business but everyone in town knows you drink like a horse.” Shane let out an awkward laugh but Morris continued to look at him with a concerned expression. 

“You should try to cut back, I know it’s easy for me to say but it’s impacting your work and your...relations with others.”

“With all due respect sir, once I leave the store for the night you are not my boss.” 

“I know I am just concerned about your work ethic that is all.” 

“I’m sorry about last night it won’t happen again I promise you.”

“That was just a dream Shane.”

“Alright, well goodnight Mr.Morris.”

“Goodnight Shane...Please take care.”

\-------------------

“Charlie, charlie come here” Shane drunkenly cooed at his beautiful blue chicken. 

Charlie kept a distance aware of his owners inebriated state, moving out of the various attempts Shane made to pick him up.

“Shane honey what are you doing in the coop so late?” Marnie asked peering inside with a concerned look on her face.

“Charlie won’t love me,” Shane said raising his hands in the air, “I guess nobody loves me.”

“Shane don’t be silly, we all care about you,” Marnie said with a frown on her face.

“You care more about Lewis than me and your never at your shop half the time! You care more about a man who won’t even look at you in the eyes during the day.”

“Shane!” Marnie angrily shouted. “I can’t talk to you when you get like this” she said eyes welling with tears.

“Well don’t worry, you won’t ever have to talk to me again,” he said standing up.

Suddenly a young girl who was hiding outside the door let out a cry and ran off.

“Jas!” Marnie shouted as she chased after her.

Shane collapsed in sadness on the hay of the coop. 

“Jas I’m so sorry,” he murmured.


	3. Chapter 3

Shane got up and turned off the screeching alarm. Another day of waking up hungover and hauling himself off to work. He groaned at his splitting headache and got some water and took a painkiller. He walked into the kitchen to see Marnie preparing some food for later.

“Marnie I’m heading out see you later,” Shane said but Marnie did not answer.

“Marnie?” He asked but she still continued to work ignoring him. Memories of last night flooded back. That’s right, he said some pretty mean things. He then starred at Jas’s room shut tight, normally she would be up by now. He didn’t say another word and left for work.

\-------------------

“A customer returned this and we can’t resell it. I thought you might want this,” Morris said handing Shane a box of frozen pepper poppers. 

“This...this is my favorite meal,” Shane said as a smile began to spread across his face.

“Now I hate seeing food go to waste so why don’t you eat it now. Besides, you look like you could use it.” 

Shane’s eyes watered, Joja frozen pepper poppers were not as good as homemade one but damn did they hit that craving spot. 

“Thank you Sir.”

“Just Morris is fine” 

Shane felt embarrassed but grateful as he ate the meal. _Morris isn’t such a bad guy_ , he thought. He couldn’t help noticing that Morris was treating him a lot kinder lately. Was it pity? Shane couldn’t figure it out but he decided to work hard that day. During that time he did a lot of thinking. He couldn’t take back what he said but he wanted to make things up with Marnie at the very least. 

At 2pm Morris walked over to Shane’s register and spoke, “Shane I noticed you have been working very hard today so I am sending you home early for doing a great job.”

“I am fine to keep going really,” Shane assured.

“Don’t worry, it’s always a slow day today. Go home and get some rest okay?”

“Alright thank you sir.” 

Shane had rarely gotten a day off let alone time to go home early. He didn’t know what he should do with himself. _Maybe Marnie needs help on the ranch_ he pondered only to remember his words from the night before. She was still mad at him and rightfully so, but how could he make this right?

\-------------------

“Shane my man! You’re at the Saloon early today,” said Gus placing down the plate he was wiping dry. “Do you want your usual beer?”

“Oh no but thank you Gus, I actually wanted to ask you a favor. I need you to bake something for me, I’ll pay you extra.-”

“Shane please, it’s on the house. You’re my favorite customer!”

Walking home with the goods in hand Shane entered the quiet house and place the box on the table. After scribbling a note he began to quietly walk back to his room.

“Shane,” A voice called to him. He turned around to see Marnie looking concerned.

“Marnie I-

“It’s ok Shane, I know you are going through a hard time right now.”

“Marnie I just wanted you to know how sorry I was for what I said last night. I got you something,” He said gesturing at the box.

Marnie opened the box and smiled. “Pumpkin pie is my favorite, Shane you shouldn’t have!” Marnie said as she smiled back at him.

“I just wanted you to feel better.” He said embarrassed. Shane paused for a moment before he continued, “Marnie I am going to try harder from now on. For you, for Jas, for the people that care about me. I’m going to try to cut back on the drinking and work on my chicken breeding project.”

“Shane that’s...so wonderful. I just wonder how you are going to breed that blue color.”

“Marnie it all came to me this afternoon. I think I know how to make them that color and it’s not the breeding but a secret ingredient. Well it’s just a theory anyway.”

Marnie smiled and placed her hand on his shoulder, “If you need anything you can talk to me ok?”

“Thank you Marnie.”

\-------------------

The weeks flew by and Shane felt more motivated than before. He couldn’t help reach for the bottle still but he felt a newfound mental clarity he had not had before. His mind was consumed with the thoughts of chicken breeding but he still couldn’t get that strange dream out of his head. It has felt so real but there were too many strange details that didn’t add up. Whatever the real reason was Morris had lied to him.

He couldn’t help observe Morris with a new lens now. Before he tried his best to avoid him but now he wondered what else was lurking beneath those tiny glasses. He observed Morris now, and saw his interactions with the customers. His cold distance was not unlike his own cold distance from others. _Morris was alienated just like him_ he realized.

He began wondering other things about Morris. He had never seen Morris interact with the townsfolk outside of a strictly business interaction and he had never seen him at festivals. In fact he did not even know where he lived. Did he commute here every day? Does he have friends? Family? A lover? His face grew flushed at the last thought but he continued. _I don’t really know much about him, but he knows so much about me. Even my favorite food_. 

His contemplation was interrupted as the local grocery store owner Pierre suddenly stormed in.

“Where is that weasel Morris?” 

“I don’t know maybe his office? What do you want Pierre?”

“I am letting him know he is gonna get what is coming for him.”

“And what exactly is coming for me Pierre?” Morris asked stepping out of the shadows from seemingly nowhere.

“You and JojaMart are going to get exactly what you deserve!”

“Vague threats aren’t that scary, I am going to have to ask you to leave now.”

“I have an ally on my side, I promise that you will be out of business by the end of next year.”

“We’ll see about that.”

Pierre stormed off just as quickly as he had arrived. Shane stared at Morris in disbelief. 

“Who does he mean?”

“I have heard rumours a new farmer is moving in next year in the spring. Rather cocky to assume they won’t be swayed by the low prices of JojaMart.” Morris chuckled pushing up his glasses. 

\-------------------

The seasons rolled by and spring came and went. The new farmer moved in and things started changing around town. Strange things happened and rumours spread: a strange eel with a humanoid face was put on display at the fair, a poisonous mushroom somehow ended up in the Luau soup. Strange laugher was heard in the old community center at night. All things pointed to the new farmer but nothing could be proven. Shane remained suspicious and cold even as the farmer gave him gifts of beer. He couldn’t trust him.

People like the new farmer and Pierre did his best to suck up to him offering him discounts and special items. From the influence of the farmer more people started shopping at Pierre’s again to “support local businesses.” The phrasing was repeated to Shane ad nauseum. 

Meanwhile, customers shopping at JojaMart became less and less. Morris was becoming more frazzled than usual as profits were plummeting and corporate was on his ass. Shane would hear him sometimes from his office calmly assuring the big men things would improve once the warehouse opened. He needed only one more Joja membership.

Shane felt bad but he sensed Joja’s days were numbered just as Pierre had said. At the end of his shift one night he overheard Morris shout from the alleyway and Shane peered around the corner. The local children , Vincent and Jas were laughing as they were pelting empty Joja cans at Morris.

“Trash store trash man,” Vincent mocked as he continued to pelt cans at Morris who covered his face.

“Jas and Vincent what are you doing!?” Shane shouted.

They both cowered and fled upon seeing Shane and he ran up to Morris who was partially soaked from a half drunk can. 

“I am going to talk with Marnie after this, I am so shocked Jas would do this. It’s that Vincent kid tainting her mind you know his dad is some army freak.” 

“It’s fine really, don’t bother,” Morris stated wiping his face displaying no emotion.

“No it’s not fine! Here let’s get you cleaned up,” Shane said grabbing his coat and unlocking the door to JojaMart. He dragged Morris to the bathroom and he didn’t complain but Shane could tell he was dejected. He removed Morris’s coat as Morris washed his face off. As they walked outside Shane noticed Morris shivering still wet.

“Here take my jacket,” Shane said removing his favorite scruffy blue jacket and handing it to Morris. 

“No I’m fine really.”

“You’re not.” Morris sighed and finally put on the jacket.

“Come have a drink with me,” Shane said staring intensely into Morris’s eyes.

“Alright.”

\-------------------

“I didn’t think you would actually agree to come,” Shane said, letting out a soft chuckle before drinking his beer.

“I figured I could use a drink after everything that has happened the past few months,” Morris said taking a sip and loosening his collar. 

“I know this isn’t very professional-”

“Shane please, I think we are both far past the professional point right now while we are drinking beer by the pond in the wilderness.”

“Fair Enough.” A moment of silence happened, and they watched the fireflies softly move across the lake.

“I know I fuck up on the job a lot but I am really greatful you keep me around,” Shane started.

“Are you kidding Shane? Your my best employee.”

“Really?”

“Well to be fair the bar is pretty low. Penny is somehow even more of a mess than you,” Morris said smirking. 

“But really, I get it believe me. I used to be in the exact same position as you. I was a mindless drone in the Joja machine. I worked hard to get where I am today and I am still miserable as ever. I am now just miserable and full of more responsibilities.” 

“I had no idea.”

“Let's be real here Shane we’re fucked. Pierre is right the townsfolk have turned against us. That crazy farmer somehow changed the whole dynamic of the town. I can’t fucking stand it,” Morris said and then chugged the rest of the beer can.

“Heh a fast drinker eh? Man after my own heart,” Shane responded.

“How can you be ok with all of this?” Morris asked.

“I don’t know honestly I am not ok with anything so why does this make a difference?”

Morris paused for a moment then asked “Are you okay with me?”

“You’re one of the few things I am okay with”

“Shane I-” Before Morris could finish Shane leaned in and kissed him gentle before pulling back flustered.

“I’m sorry I just am so drunk and I got carried away,” Shane said now frazzled as he tried to explain.

Morris grabbed his hand and leaned in to kiss him back in return.

“I like you Shane but there is something I need to tell you when I have sobered up tomorrow. Come a little early to work and I will explain it all.”


	4. Chapter 4

“You want me to sign an NDA Agreement?” Shane asked shocked at the long paper before him.

“I know it seems strange but as a high rank as Joja Manager I have a lot of privacy concerns when it comes to interpersonal relationships.”

“So you are saying we can’t date unless I sign this?”

“Correct.”

“I...need some time to think about this. This is all happening so fast.”

“I understand Shane and I respect that. I just want you to know there is no pressure here if you don’t want to pursue this further. There will be no hard feelings from me.”

Shane went back to work but his mind was reeling over the NDA. Morris was an odd guy but was an NDA really necessary for them to be together? He began to question everything at that moment when **he** came up to the counter. 

It was the new farmer that moved in. His name eluded Shane but he was shocked to see him at JojaMart. He had all black on and a skull shirt as if it was symbolic of something or another. Without saying a word the farmer began to unload his cart. Carrots….Carrots...More Carrots? He kept unloading them unto the conveyor belt silently. That will be 300 carrots Shane said in horror. The farmer nodded but then made the wait gesture and pulled out a single turnip seed. 300 carrots and one turnip seed? The farmer nodded and paid the fees and shoved the entirety of them in a large bag and walked off skipping.

 _That farmer just bought 300 carrots. For what purpose?_ Shane thought. _It doesn’t matter though, that new farmer is out there taking risks so what the hell am I doing with my life_. Shane marched straight into Morris’s office and signed the NDA much to Morris’s surprise. 

“You don’t want to think it over a day? Are you sure?”

“NDA or not, if that is what it takes to be with you I will sign anything,” Shane said with conviction although flushed.

“Shane since you signed this I can finally tell you the truth but I need you to trust me.”

“I trust you Morris,” Shane said reaching out for his hand.

\-------------------

“I thought the Joja basement was off limits?” Shane asked.

“It is well It **was** before to everyone but me. Now you can also come down here.” 

“What’s down here anyway? I just assumed it was old Joja stuff.”

“It is that and so much more Shane. So Much More,” Morris said with an intense look. Shane began to question his decision of signing but he was in too deep to stop.

They both reached the bottom to a dark room. Shane could tell the place was big and could see faint outlines of strange shadowed things. Suddenly Morris flicked on the switch and rows of Joja blue neon lights turned on one after the next lighting up a room full of strange Joja memorabilia, some normal and some he couldn’t identify.

“Morris what is all of this?”

“This is my home, it is where I live.”

“You live in the JojaMart Basement?”

“Of course where else would I live in this town?”

“Oh yeah that makes sense but that doesn’t explain everything.” Shane said approaching a strange series of ropes connected to the ceiling. 

“What is all this stuff?”

“This is the secret to JojaMart Shane. The deepest depths of pain, depravity, money, and pleasure. This is the dark underbelly of Joja: the Joja Dungeon, my cave of pleasures.”

Shane was utterly taken aback as he stared across the room: suspension cords, ropes, whips, flails, harnesses, collars, sex chairs, sex toys of all shapes and all branded with the JojaMart Symbol.

“Morris I don’t understand.”

“Don’t you get it? JojaMart is hardly unique. Do you know how low the profits are for grocery stores? It’s just a cover for their real business of hardcore fetish and sex gear.”

“Wow that is crazy I had no idea this whole setup was down here the whole time,” Shane said pushing the sex swing. 

“So you sell this stuff?” Shane asked.

“Well yes some of the crazy old farts here are the kinkiest I will have you know. But the truth is when I became a manager of JojaMart I had to go through some...intense training. As a result I developed rather acquired tastes.”

“So you are saying-”

“I use them Shane”

“You...use them?”

“Shane, this is why I brought you here I wanted to show you the innermost part of me. This is me ”

“This is a lot to take in for one day but I accept you Morris.”

“Will you do _this_ with me?” Morris said gesturing around the entirety of the room.

“I am willing to try but don’t worry about me, I’m not afraid of pain. It can’t be any worse than the mental pain I feel every day. Hahaha.”

“Well for starters I am going to need you to wear this,” Morris said taking out a loincloth with the words Joja embroidered over it.

“Well this is my life now I guess,” said Shane. 

\-------------------

“Shane what the hell is this?” Marnie said waving around fuzzy cuffs branded with the Joja emblem on it.

Shane’s face turned bright red as he snatched it out of Marnie’s hand. 

“Why the hell are you looking through my room Marnie?”

“It’s my house Shane, besides you still haven’t explained it.”

“It’s just a gag gift.”

“Then why are you beet red?”

“Ugh look I don’t question you about Lewis do I? Let me have my secrets.” 

Marnie grew flustered in return. “Well, do a better job hiding whatever this is, Jas found them and asked me what it was.”

“Jas found them? Oh gosh I am so sorry,” He said embarrassed.

“Well I say we are even since you found Lewis’s shorts in my room.”

They both laughed and then Marnie finally spoke up.

“I actually already know who it is don’t worry I will keep your secret safe.”

“Thank you Marnie, it’s rather embarrassing.”

“Believe me I know what it’s like, loving someone and being forced to keep it a secret. Hell maybe it runs in the family,” she said, giving him a jab.


	5. Chapter 5

By December the community center had somehow been completely rebuilt by the new farmer. Everyone celebrated the reopening by celebrating the first Feast of the Winter Star in there for a long while. Everyone felt a connection to the community except for the few lost souls of Stardew Valley. As for JojaMart, corporate sent the letter that they would be closing down their Stardew Valley location as it was becoming less profitable. The lack of warehouses and memberships made it less than ideal.

Morris was torn mentally but Shane helped him with these feelings during their sessions. Shane found it strange at first but grew to enjoy Morris’s “unusual tastes” as well. For the first time he felt like he had some kind of future.

For the entire year he has experimented with and now finally had carefully tended the first batch of blue chicks. They had just hatched and he had felt a deep sense of pride. His pet Charlie seemed pretty happy about this all as well.

\-------------------

“Morris You can’t leave!” Shane shouted at the train station of Stardew Valley.

“Since the JojaMart closed down there is nowhere for me to go. Besides, corporate has relocated me to the city.”

“Why did you keep this from me?”

“I knew you would try to stop me.”

“You’re damn right I will. You have to stay!”

“There is nothing for me here Shane. The store is closed, everyone here hates me. The adults sneer at me and the children mock me. There is no point to me staying here anymore.”

“Morris…”

“Goodbye Shane.”

“Morris! Wait listen to me. You think people here only look down on you? Everyone here loathes me just as much. I am seen as the useless drunk and now that JojaMart is gone I don’t even have a job.”

“Shane, you have your chicken breeding.”

“And what good is that here? That crazy farmer is breeding black chickens, fucking slimes, and has little spirits that look like fruits. Soon I am going to be outcompeted.”

“Shane I-”

“No you listen Morris! I decided I’m going with you!”

Morris began to cry which shocked Shane as he had never seen him cry before. 

“Shane I wasn’t entirely honest with you. JojaMart didn’t transfer me, they laid me off. Even if you come with me I can’t support you.”

“Oh Morris, I had no idea.”

“You should stay here, don’t worry about me.”

“I told you didn’t I? I am going with no matter what.”

“Are you sure? I can’t promise you a stable future.”

“I signed that NDA so I better be damn sure.”

\------------------- 

5 years later Shane and Morris have moved to the quiet countryside of Forget-Me-Not Valley. Shane’s blue chickens have taken off extremely well and are the talk of the town. People ask Shane how he makes such beautiful blue chickens and he simply smiles and says it’s a trade secret.

At night Shane comes home to a giant coop. Inside Morris awaits him and they put on their outfits smiling at each other. As time moved on their “unusual interests” changed and moved away from Joja to something more natural. 

Shane steps out in his full body yellow rubber chicken suit as he begins to peck the bird food among the chickens. Soon Morris comes out in his full body latex duck gimp suit and pecks at the food as well. Atop the barn watching over them is Charlie the original blue chicken. As Charlie is the top of the pecking order they bow before him as he joins them to feast. Shane smiles as he pulls the lever releasing the secret ingredient for blue chickens. The trough fills up with Joja cola as all the little chickens drink the refreshing liquid of NEW AND IMPROVED FORMULA FOR JOJA COLA A COMBINATION OF ALL 50 KINDS EVER PRODUCED.

Suddenly Morris turns to Shane and smiles breaking his chicken character for a moment.

“Shane I just wanted to say how happy I am. This is all I ever wanted, I love you so much.”

Shane turns to him with a wide eye expression and says, “SQUAWK SQUAWK.”

The End  
*Farts*


End file.
